Paradise
by XPlatypus
Summary: How did the awesome life of a semi-aquatic mammal come to be? Read to find out. (Obviously.) P.S. I wrote this in 8th grade, so don't judge. (Actually do, because I want reviews.)
1. Author's Note

Author's note:

Sorry that I kept saying ballista knives instead of _ballistic_ knives, I was recently introduced to that type of knife by my friend at the time and I must have misheard him. I can't edit my chapters now since I've already submitted them. And also because of that, I wasn't able to finish chapter one, and I still don't know what happened to the rest of it even though when I turned it in to my L.A. teacher it was complete.

Anyway, that's all! Enjoy!

XPlatypus


	2. Adoption

Perry was just an ordinary platypus. Well, at least he is to most people, but when it's time to get into action, he stands on his hind legs, puts on his fedora, and puts on his crime-fighting face. Yeah, that's right. He's a heck of an awesome secret agent. I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Let me tell you the full life of Perry the Platypus. So it started out like this: Perry grew up in a place where all "special" animals were raised. It was called the A.W.C.A. (The Academy Without a Cool Acronym). The one in charge of the place was Major Monogram, who started the O.W.C.A. (Organization Without a Cool Acronym), which sent agents out on missions to fight evil. The way it worked was that the organization would send out a caravans around the country to collect stray animals before local animal controls found them. Then when the vans were full, they would report back to headquarters as soon as possible. When they arrived, the animals would be fed, then would go through certain tests to see how smart they were, and if they passed, they would be able to be trained up to the point where they would be assigned to a host family at pet shops around the world. The home they arrived at would be equipped with 1 underground lair built below the house, with 50 extremely hidden ways to get in. The animal agent would have to memorize the entrances on a map of the house taped to the inside of the pet carrier they were in on the ride home. The agency would give the agents 2 days to settle into their host home and get familiar with the place before they would get a message on their hidden watch. This message told them to report in their lair immediately for "nemesis assignment", which meant they would be told who to go to every day to fight against evil/villainous ways and save their community, and possibly the world if their nemesis was a great threat. Well, one day, one of the vans brought in a platypus. None of the other animals recognized this type of animal, though. It kind of looked like a beaver/duck, and it made a chattering noise. There was note on a string tied to his back left leg, saying: _Please, take good care of my child. Make sure he turns out to be great in life._ One of the interns of the agency researched the species online and found a pretty good description of it: _The platypus is a semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal. It is like a turtle, which is skilled in aquatics, but doesn't do much on land._ When he was first put through training, it took him a while to get through the procedures, but soon he was ready for the tests. Surprisingly, he passed all of them on the first try. He almost didn't get the part where he had to stand on his hind legs for ten seconds, and then walk or run 60 steps. Perry decided to run the 60 steps, somehow feeling like he needed to impress the trainers. It was easy for him to stand, but he almost fell down a few times while running, but still made it. The trainer told him he did superb and that he had completed all the tests. He was then awarded with a medal of honor for completing all the trials on his first try. Perry then graduated from the academy to the organization, and became "CEO" of the Animal Agent Department. Then he was sent out to the Danville adoption center. He was overjoyed that he would once again have a family. The semi-aquatic mammal arrived at the pet shop and was placed behind a glass window, inside of a small wall-crate. Eventually, a family walked into the store and looked around for a while, until they arrived in front of Perry. There were two little kids looking inside; one with a tall, rectangle shaped head, and one with a triangle shaped head. _Wow,_ Perry thought, _it must be hard for that kid to put his shirt on without ripping it._ He couldn't hear what they were saying on the other side of the glass; the mammal guessed it was soundproof. He gave them a little chatter to show he was friendly. One of the


	3. Pet Beds and Lairs

By theme Perry got to his new house, he had memorized half of the house's entrances, so he knew he was all set with how things were gonna go in a couple days. When it was dinner time that night, Phineas scooped some platypus food (that they got at the pet shop) into his bowl. The teal mammal dug into his dish with devotion. Perry didn't know _what_ was in the food he was eating, but it was way better than that other food the agency fed him. "I hope I can have this every night," he thought. When everyone was done, Phineas and Ferb took Perry upstairs to show him around. They introduced Perry to their sister's room, the bathroom, the master bedroom, the attic, the hall closest, and finally, their room. "And this is our room. Your new pet bed is over there." Phineas pointed to a tan, round pet bed. Perry walked over to it and climbed in. It felt amazing! It was so soft and cushy, and it had a nice smell. The little platypus felt so lucky for getting such a caring family to be with. They watched a show on TV the rest of the night, then went upstairs to hit the sack. When Perry was sure everyone was asleep, he went downstairs to explore the house a little more. He was excited to see his many lair entrances, but especially his lair. He remembered something on the map saying there was a picture above the refrig, behind which was a suction tube that would transport him to his lair. He got on his hind legs and walked over to the fridge, then climbed to the top. He found a picture with a bowl of fruit on it, then took it off of the wall. Before he realized what happened, he found himself whizzing through a tube in the dark at high speed. While he was inside, he thought to himself how cool it was. He chattered a little laugh from his bill. Perry landed on the floor of a wide room with a wall that hung hundreds of gadgets and weapons, a platypus shaped hover-car, and a desk with tons of bells and wistles and a giant 90' screen on the wall. This was beyond anything he could have ever imagined! All the stories he heard at the agency about amazing lairs of the other animal agents, well, Perry knew he had gotten the best one yet. Major Monogram had told him he was the first agent to pass all tests on his first try, and he metioned something about a reward of some sort. Perry never recieved anything for months after that. He had a feeling this was the reward.


	4. Eggs and Bacon

The agency always gave the new animal agents extra time to sleep in on their first day. They had to be ready and in their lair by 11:00. Unfortunately, two of Perry's owners liked to get up a little earlier than that. So the small furry agent got woken up from his awesome dream by buzzsaws and rivet guns.

 _8:30,_ he thought when he looked at the clock on the nightstand, _(yawn) is better than 6._

The agency would make their teams get up at 6 in the morning to start their beginning-of-day exercises. When someone told Perry about this on his first day, he thought they were just pulling his tail. But the next morning when he heard a someone shouting at them to wake up, he felt pretty ignorant. So he got out of his pet bed and walked over to the window on his hind legs so he could see. He was pretty shocked to see the two 6-year-olds drilling metal.

 _Do their parents know their doing this?!_ He thought.

At that moment he felt extremely concerned for them, but a gut feeling told him not to do anything about it. The mammal walked down the steps and went out the new doggie door his owners' father installed yesterday before they picked him up. When the young boys saw their pet strolling over to them, they dashed over to him.

"Hey boy! We hope you got a good night sleep, because we're gonna spend the whole day doing fun stuff together!" Phineas said.

 _Great,_ he thought, _now how will I get down to the lair?_

He walked over to some blueprints the boys were using, and couldn't believe what he saw. It was blueprints for a space-shuttle! Phineas walked over to Perry.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool, right?" Then he saw the worried look on the platypus' face. He bent down to him and said gently: "Don't worry about us. We know how to be safe with construction."

That still didn't make Perry feel better, but then he felt his stomach rumble. It must have been a pretty loud rumble, because then Phineas said: "Come on, let's go get you some food. You must be starving."

They walked into the kitchen, and Ferb scraped some eggs and bacon, that the family had while he was sleeping, into Perry's food dish.

 _What's this stuff supposed to be?_ He wondered while sniffing it. The second he took a huge bite into the bowl, he was in heaven. _Wow! What is this stuff? Now I want_ this _everyday!_

Ferb put a lot in his bowl, but Perry still finished it in three minutes flat. Phineas and Ferb spent the next couple of hours teaching the pet new tricks, which Perry understood very easily, and that made the boys pretty impressed. Eventually, the platypus checked his watch and saw that it was 10:56, so when the boys weren't looking, he slipped in the house. He climbed up on the refrigerator, took of the fruit painting, and instantly got sucked into the tube. He plopped down in the red chair and turned on his screen. Instantly, Major Monogram, his new boss, popped up on the screen.

"Good morning Agent P, let me see who you're assigned to." He ruffled through some papers. "Ah, here we go. Your new nemesis is...Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. He calls his inventions 'inators' which, I have no earthly idea what that means. Anyway, I'm faxing you the coordinates to your computer desk."

Some papers came out of the built-in printer on his desk. "I'm counting on you to stop whatever he's doing. Good luck, and remember your training." The screen went dark, and his red chair flew up out of of an exit in the ceiling. It turned in to a chair-helicopter, and he flew of to fight his nemesis.


	5. Completely Expected?

When the teal mammal arrived at his nemesis' lair, his chair landed on the balcony and he stepped into a dark room. The light came on, and instantly, Perry's arms and legs were clutched by 4 metallic extendable arms. He tried to struggle, but it was no use. They were clamped on for good. Before the agent had time to think about the situation, a German accented voice broke the silence. A man with a long, pointed chin, messy chocolate brown hair, a lab coat, and a slouching back walked into view. "Ah, Perry the Platypus, my new nemesis. How unexpected to see you. And by unexpected I mean **, completely expected**!

So, anyway, let me get to the point of my latest evil scheme. I have created a…" he pulls a tarp off a large figure. It was a giant ray beam looking thing on a tall stand! "Behold! The Mind-Eraseinator! It will target everyone in the Tri-State Area, and zap them with beams to make them forget everything they've ever known!" Perry's eyes widened. _That means that my family will forget me to! And he might even zap_ me _with that thing! I've got to stop him. But first I have got to get out of these mechanical arms!_ He started struggling more, but then found the **release** button on the wall.

He chattered to get the scientist's attention, and when he looked over at him, Perry smacked him in the face with his tail. It stung a bit, but it was worth it when Dr. Doofenshmirtz fell over onto the wall and hit the button. When the arms released him, he ran over to the machine and started beating it with a wrench. He felt kind of stupid when he saw an RPG at his foot. He picked up the heavy weapon, ran over to the balcony with it, and blasted it to bits! He got in his chair, and rocketed away from the building toward his house, and at the same time was trying to avoid flaming pieces of metal and bolts. " **Curse you, Perry the Platypus**!" the doctor hollered as he pulled a rivet out of his shoe. The platypus smirked as he thought, _I have a feeling that I'll be hearing that a lot._

When he got back to his house, Perry swiped his brown fedora off in a nanosecond, and walked into the backyard in a new pet mode he thought of: he would split his eyes apart and just chatter. He was even more surprised then then he was that morning. He saw the boys' giant shuttle craft in the yard, and for some reasons it looked like the contraption was swaying in the sky. He gave a nonchalant chatter to his owners, and they stopped what they were doing and looked down on him. "Oh, there you are, Perry. For some reason Perry had a feeling that he would be hearing that a lot, too.


	6. 3, 2, 1, TAKE OFF!

When Perry saw how high up the boys were, he almost fainted. Phineas saw that worried look in his pet's brown eyes again, and it always put his heart in a bad place. He stopped his blow torch and climbed down a ladder. He crouched down next to the mammal. "Come on, boy. If you're always going to be like this when me and my brother build things then, well, (sigh). I know we look really young for this sort of thing, but we've actually done this kind of stuff since we were about three! I know it's surprising, but we're really smart, skilled and know how to be safe. Oh, I have an idea! Here, take these zero-sound earmuffs that we built, and take a nice, long nap until we finish! I read something about platypus's that said they need lots of sleep. You do look _really_ tired." Phineas put a pair of blue adjustable earmuffs on Perry and adjusted them. Then his pet rolled over, and fell asleep in an astonishing 6 seconds. (Faster than the night before!)

The undercover, fedora wearing agent slept with zero sound for around two hours. He was pretty worn out from getting clawed around the wrists, launching an RPG, and steering a chaircopter at intense speeds to avoid getting hit by flaming chunks of metal all in three hours. When he woke up from his snooze, his owners were finished with their first summer project. Perry was astounded by the effort, detail, and most of all, the _size_ of the 34 story-tall space shuttle. From the agent's observations, it had twelve massive rocket engines, two twin turbo ion laser canons, 6 observation windows, and there was even a giant launch pad to go with it. They showed him inside, and he started to think that this was _way_ cooler than his own lair! There was a trampoline room, a neon light laser tag room, a cafeteria, and the cockpit. The cockpit had even more buttons, levers, switched, and dials than Perry's computer desk! There were "There's three chairs: one for the pilot, copilot, and in between them there's a little soft, cushy, swivel chair with lots of neat gadgets!" Phineas explained. He felt so lucky for having such a smart pet.

At that point Perry was wondering why the taller brother, Ferb, didn't talk as much. In fact, as far as he knew, Ferb hadn't said a word since he was adopted yesterday. The rectangle-headed boy was copiloting the rocket they had just launched off of. His pet wasn't at all worried about the boys and their inventions, but what he **was** worried about was if their parents would notice that they were gone. Surprisingly, Phineas answered that question the second after Perry thought of it. We can only be in space a few hours because mom and dad are going to be back from their book club by dinner." Perry relaxed a bit, but then something new came into thought: _How will they get rid of this thing?_


	7. Ballistic Tacos

The platypus had just gotten off the rocket when, for a reason even God didn't know, a giant magnet attached to a helicopter swooped across the sky, and with it came one big rocket. "A giant magnetcopter, huh? That's a new one. You know Ferb, it's kind of sad how all our great inventions get taken away by something. And it's not just once or twice. I mean like _**all the time**_! I wonder where it all goes when it disappears. You know what I mean? Ferb nodded. Perry exhaled. _Well, that takes care of that problem._

At dinner, they all had tacos made with lettuce, hamburger, cheese, onions, sour cream, and a nice crunchy taco shell. Now for most people, all the foods that you've heard of in the story, they know. But since Perry was new to being a pet, pretty much every kind of food that people eat put him in ecstasy. That night, he devoured four small tacos, and licked the bowl clean. _Wow_ , Phineas thought, _he always eats more that you would expect for a small animal. Did they feed him at all at the pet store?_

Later that night, when the family was playing a board game, Perry got a silent _beep beep_ on his wristwatch. He went into the other room to answer it, and then put his hat on so when the Major saw him, he would know it was Agent P and not just some random platypus. When the screen came up, Major Monogram said: "Agent P, we need you to get to Doofenshmirtz' apartment immediately! He has just made a Weaponinator, and that has probably been his worst one yet! Sorry to make you go over there twice in one day, but it's urgent. Get over there, and stop him. He saluted and ran out the door quietly. Perry blasted off with his jetpack to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.

When Perry arrived at the apartment, it was the same situation as before: it was quiet, and all the lights were off. Perry tried to scan the room for traps, but it was pretty hard since it was pitch black, and it was at night. Just then a mechanical arm reached out and wrapped a thick rope around the agent. What's with him and the mechanical arms? Perry thought. Just then a ballista knife just barely missed Perry's hat, and his eyes widened. Holy crap! His inator shoots ballista knives?!


	8. Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions

"Oh, it's just you Perry the Platypus. I was uh, expecting… anyway, behold the Weapon-inator! I realized that if I'm going to take over the Tri-State Area, I have to take down the military to keep them from taking _me_ down. So I pretty much made a war machine sentry gun, except it shoots all _kinds_ of weapons that are teleported to the chamber of the machine. And I'll make sure to take down the FBI, CIA, U.S. Marines, Air Force, and, well, all the others. After I test this on you, I'll make duplicates, and demolish the nation's defenses!

The whole time the Dr. was talking, Perry had already used his mini buzzaw in his watch to cut through the ropes in less than five seconds. Heinz turned around and was shocked to see the platypus searching for the self-destruct button on his machine. "Looking for the self-destruct button? Oh, guess what? There's not one on it! There's no way you can defeat me, now!" he fired a button on the remote in his hand, and a minigun stuck out of the barrel of the contraption. Perry was shocked, but was far from about to being obliterated. He quickly put on his new zero-sound earmuffs, then took a black square of titanium out of his fedora and locked it onto the hat, then pulled it up to him a split nanosecond before the gun started ripping through the ammo at 50 rounds per second. The platypus was astoundingly faster and more skilled than any projectile on earth.

It would seem hopeless to anyone that a small platypus could avoid even one shot from a large full minigun, but Perry the Platypus just made it possible. He ran across the room constantly having to switch angles of his hat to avoid getting shot. He finally ran up to the machine, which, when it ran out of rounds, dropped the minigun and pulled out an RPG, which Perry knew would miss him because he was already on top of it. Dr. Doofenshmirtz was hiding in another room, hoping to avoid gunfire. Perry found the master cable hidden inside a panel on top of the contraption, and used his mini buzzsaw to split right through it. He ran to his jetpack and took off on the building's balcony, avoiding ballista knives, shotgun shells, and C4 explosions behind him. _Woah_ , he thought _, a little dejavu-ish there_.


	9. Bloody Fur

It was 12:27am when Perry arrived at his house. He was so tired from his previous battle, that he didn't even notice the large slash on his back where he got cut with a ballista knife. A small gush of blood trickled down his back, leaving a big red blotchy stain in his fur. He finally noticed when he rolled over in his pet bed and felt a damp feeling _. Oh crud! Phineas and Ferb will notice me_ and _the pet bed! I should really clean this up-no I'll do it later…_ he shut his eyes slowly. Then he jerked them back open. _No! I'm awake! I'm doing it now!_ He got up hind-legged, without putting his hat on, and took his pet bed over to the washing machine. He put some bleach on it after scrubbing it really well with detergent, and tossed it in the machine. It washed his pet bed surprisingly quiet, and was done in 45 minutes. He took it out and threw it in the dryer along with a dryer sheet, and while it was going he scrubbed some bleach and detergent on himself, hoping to get the blood stain out of his fur.

He scrubbed and scrubbed until it was completely gone, and by then his bed was done. He liked it better now because it was fluffier, and still had that nice smell except it was now enhanced. He rinsed himself off in the bathtub, then use the hair dryer on his teal-blue fur that was under the sink. He put some anti-biotic lotion on his cut, because a bandage that size or that many would definitely stand out. He set his pet bed back up in the corner and was starting to drift off, when his watch started beeping like crazy. He answered it, and Major Monogram came on the screen. "Congratulations, Agent P! You saved our beloved nation and possibly even the world from that psychopath! Report to headquarters immediately for an awards presentation in your honor." The agent gave an ugly growl/chatter. "Oh, alright cranky, will do it tomorrow. But be there by noon. Monogram out." And the screen went black. _Noon, huh? Yeah, I can do that._ And with that, he was once again out cold in literally 8 seconds.

Perry slept in until 11:00, because a 10 hour sleep period felt really nice after you just stopped a minigun that shot 900 rounds at you. When he woke up, Phineas and Ferb were having cereal- nothing super special. Ferb poured a can of platypus food in Perry's bowl, and he now realized that he was eating like a pig for every meal he got. So he ate his breakfast slowly, which was difficult because it was so delectable. He then reported to headquarters through a secret tube, except it wasn't to his lair. It sent him all the way across town in less than 4 minutes, and when he arrived, everyone was waiting for him. All, the animal agents were in front of the stage, and Major Monogram placed a medal on his chest. "Congrats, Agent P, you're hereby Agent of the Year!" Perry smiled. This was going to be an awesome summer.


End file.
